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I apologize again for the great delay in this chapter. Life just has a way of getting away from you. This was a very difficult chapter for me to write. This chapter, as with all my other stories, has its sad moments and happy ones as well. Let it be known now that this chapter has minimal sex in it. So if that’s what you’re looking for then I apologize now.
As always my disclaimer. This is a long chapter with a lot of dialog. So if you are looking for a quick read then this is not for you. If you are looking for a story with suspense, drama, tears and laughter then sit back, grab a box of tissues and enjoy Chapter 4 of Now or Never: The Final Good-Bye.
*****
Austin’s heart was beating as fast as a freight train rolling down the rails waiting for Ryan to say or do something, anything. The slamming of the door was so forceful Austin could feel the wind rush past him. He wasn’t too surprised that Ryan had reacted that way. There was a small part of him that had hoped Ryan would scoop him up in his arms and everything would be okay, but the rest of him expected Ryan to react this way or worse.
Broken hearted, Austin walked back to his car and drove down the long driveway towards the road. He looked at the clock and realized it was getting late so he decided to head back into town and spend the night at the Pine Crest motel.
When he pulled up to the motel, his heart grew heavy. So many different memories happened there. That first night when Ryan took him to the drive in with the famous picnic basket, remembering how excited and nervous he was to have been going out with such a sexy guy. The memory of Eric’s attack and how Ryan charged in and saved his life sent a tear rolling down his cheek. He thought that maybe he should head out of town and try to find a different motel to stay at. One without the memories, but he was exhausted from the long drive. More than anything he wanted a hot shower, something to eat and a goodnights sleep. As he got out of the car he figured one more night couldn’t hurt anything. So he walked up to the office, he noticed Mrs. Miller working behind the desk and when he entered her face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Austin, I am so glad to see you!”
“Hello Mrs. Miller. How are you doing this evening?” Austin asked as he walked up to the counter.
“I’m doing quite well. What brings you by this evening?”
“I need a room for the night, please.”
“Oh, running away again?” She questioned as she turned towards the key board.
“No ma’am.” Austin really didn’t want to explain that he felt like a complete fool for thinking that Ryan would take him back.
“Here you go sweetheart. Don’t worry I didn’t put you in the same room as last time.” She offered as she handed him the key.
“Thank you, ma’am.” Austin said as he tried to take the key from her.
“Austin, if you need anything, please let me know.” She gave him a sympathetic look that told Austin she knew what had happen between him and Ryan.
Of course she knew; Austin was pretty sure the entire town knew what had happened. This was a small town and news travels around quickly.
Austin’s room was in the back of the motel this time. He wondered if Mrs. Miller was trying to hide or shield him from any danger. This room seemed nicer than the other one. They were identical but this one had a beautiful view looking over a field dotted with magnolia trees.
Even though it was the beginning of November, the air was still nice and warm. After Austin brought in his overnight bag he sat on the edge of the bed and though of what he wanted to do next. The idea of a nice relaxing shower crossed his mind but he wanted to wait until he was ready for bed. He knew it was getting close to the time he needed to take his meds so he decided to find something to eat. The only place he knew that was close by was The Red Barn Deli but he didn’t want to take the risk of running into Ryan or anyone else that knew about him. He walked back out to his car, turned on the GPS and searched for places to eat. The nearest fast food restaurant was Bo Jangles, which was only a fifteen minute ride. Austin set the destination in his GPS and headed out to get dinner.
*********************
“What do you mean you just slammed the door in his face?!” Shelly said raising her voice at Ryan.
“He thinks that he can just walk back into my life after what he put me, what he put us through?!” Ryan yelled.
“Ryan, don’t yell at your mother.” Tom demanded.
“Sorry dad. I’m sorry mom I didn’t mean to yell at you.” Ryan offered.
“I know. What I don’t understand is why you slammed the door in his face. I thought you said you missed him and you wanted nothing more than to have him back?” Shelly questioned as she watched her son pace the kitchen.
“I did or at least I thought I did. I mean, he just walked out on me. He took my heart out and stomped all over it, like it was nothing!”
“Ryan, you know that was not his intentions at all. You know that Austin has been through a lot in his life mecidiyeköy escort and he just got scared. I’m sure that he never meant to hurt you like that and I’m pretty sure he is sorry for doing it.” Tom said trying to calm Ryan down.
“He has no idea what I’ve been going through these past few months. The pain and the upset! It’s taken me months to stop crying like a fool anytime I would think about him or someone would mention his name. I’ve lost so much sleep worrying about him, missing him.”
“Then do yourself a favor and at least tell him how you feel. If you really want nothing to do with him then that can be closure for you.” Tom suggested. “But just remember Austin has been through a lot.”
“I don’t think I can see him right now, I’m afraid I might lose control of myself and…”
“And what? Hurt him?” Shelly questioned with a worried tone in her voice.
“At this point, I want him to feel the pain that I felt.”
“I think he has felt enough for his lifetime.” Shelly paused. “You know, you sound just like Eric.”
“Excuse me?”
“Did you hear what you said? You sounded just like Eric. I’m done with this conversation. If you want to go and tell him how you feel then fine, but don’t go there to make him feel worse than he already does.” Shelly said as she left the room.
*************************
By the time Austin had gotten back from getting dinner, the sun had already set and the night air had a slight chill. After he finished eating, he took his meds then turned the shower on and stepped under the stream. For the first time he let his mind relax and start to wonder. This was going to be his first night that he didn’t have to fear that Eric was going to beat him or rape him. He stood under the water for 30 minutes before he finally reached down and turned it off. Grabbing a towel he gently dried himself off; taking care around the areas that were still bruised. Since he had no plans of going anywhere else that night he wrapped himself in the towel and laid on the bed. He turned the TV on and flicked through the channels until he came upon an old 80’s horror flick, Halloween. Soon he could feel the medicine kicking in and was getting sleepy. Just as he was about to fall asleep, he heard a knock at the door. Immediately his heart began to race as a million different thoughts ran through it. Austin slipped out of bed and made his way over to the door. Of course it didn’t have a peep hole so he couldn’t see who was on the other side.
“Who is it?” Austin asked quietly.
“It’s Ryan.”
Austin gasp. “Okay, give me a second.”
Austin unlocked the door and opened it, not realizing he was still only dress in the towel, to see Ryan standing there but there was something different about him. He was not his usual happy, charming self.
“Would you like to come in?” Austin offered as he stood to the side.
“What are you doing here?” Ryan clearly ignoring Austin’s invitation.
“I wanted to see you and see if you wanted to…” Austin suddenly felt uneasy around Ryan.
“To what, get back together? After everything you put me through, you expect to just show back up here and me take you back?! You are fucking crazy for thinking that! You fucking walked out on me, Austin! Not to mention you left me and my parents stranded in New Jersey with no way back home! Thank god for my Aunt Cindy and Uncle Bill, they paid for our train tickets back home.” Ryan yelled as he walked into the motel room slamming the door.
“I’m sorry. I just panicked when you and your sister started fighting…” Austin slowly backed away from Ryan until he was up against the bed.
“Shut up!” Ryan said as he walked closer to Austin.
Austin started to tremble as Ryan advanced closer. This was a side of Ryan he had never seen before and it was scaring him. “Ryan, you’re scaring me.”
“Do you have any idea of the heartbreak I’ve been through?! Ever since you left I’ve worried about you, cried over the fact that you were gone from my life. It hurt me to see how easy it was for you to just up and leave me. Austin, I loved you with all my heart! I thought that was pretty obvious when I confronted Clare in front of everyone. When you left it made it seem like everything she said was the truth that you are a good for nothing freeloading slut!”
During this outburst Ryan hadn’t noticed that he had backed Austin onto the bed. It wasn’t until he was standing over Austin that he realized what he had done and noticed the terrified look on Austin’s face.
“I’m sorry! I’m leaving tomorrow and I promise I won’t come back. Just please don’t hurt me.” Austin begged as he looked at Ryan’s balled fists.
Ryan looked down a realized that he had been clenching his fists so tight that his knuckles were white as snow.
“Fuck you Austin. Get out of my town and get out of my life! I never want to see your fucking face again for the rest of my life!” Ryan turned and stormed out of the motel room.
Austin sat on the bed shaking uncontrollably. merter escort Ryan had never acted like that towards him before and it really upset him. Now that Austin knew how Ryan really felt he knew that there was no chance on trying to fix what they once had. He decided that he would leave for Florida early the next morning. Austin could feel the onset of a panic attack from all of the stress.
********************************
The next morning Ryan woke up with a splitting headache. He knew that he shouldn’t have had those shots of Jack Daniels the night before. After walking into the bathroom and taking a few aspirin, he decided to give his cousin Josh a call and fill him in on the latest events.
“Hello?” Josh’s voice was groggy with sleep.
“Hey cuz. I’m sorry if I woke you.”
“No it’s okay. Just give me a minute.”
Ryan could hear rustling in the background and he figured Josh was going someplace so he wouldn’t wake Justin.
“Okay, I’m back. So what’s up?”
“You are never going to guess who showed up at the house yesterday afternoon.” Ryan said as he flopped back on his bed.
“Your sister.” Josh jested.
“Fuck that bitch. No, Austin.” Ryan was met with silence.
“Okay… you don’t sound so happy.” Josh finally answered.
“He thought that he could just show back up here and I was going to take him back! Like nothing ever happened!”
“Dude, what in hell did you do?!” Josh was awake now.
“I told him exactly how I felt and that he was crazy for thinking that he could just walk back into my life after the way he left!”
“Please tell me you didn’t go all southern crazy boy on him.”
“I told him how I felt and I didn’t hold back.”
“Ugh. I can’t believe you did that.” Josh scolded.
“Excuse me?” Ryan was a little surprised.
“Did you fall and bump your head or something? Did you forget everything that Austin has been going through the past few years?”
“I know what he went through, but for him to just walk out on me like it was nothing, how am I suppose to forget that?!”
“You’re not suppose to forget that. You’re supposed to be supportive and understand that Austin is a broken person. Think about it Ryan, for the past four years his so-called boyfriend has been beating the shit out of him and blaming him for things that he had no control over. You told me about the bad things that happen when he ran away. He probably blamed himself for all of them. When the fight happen at the reunion I can guarantee he felt that he was responsible for that as well. Don’t forget that I have a boyfriend who has been abused as well and trust me Justin has his moments! I just remind myself that he’s been through a lot and that I need to be there to support and help him out.”
“But he just walked out on me!”
“Did you not just hear what I said? Let me dull it down for you. Austin is a scared person that has been trained into thinking that if anything bad happens when he’s around it’s his fault. Do you understand now?”
Josh was met with silence.
“Your silence tells me that you know I’m right.”
“Fuck, what have I done.” Ryan cried.
“I’m going to tell you what you’re going to do. You’re going to get in your truck, take your country ass over to the motel and apologize to Austin for being a complete ass.”
“Well aren’t you dominating.”
“It’s early in the morning and I haven’t been able to ravage my boyfriend yet.” Josh laughed.
“Okay I did not need to know that you haven’t fucked Justin yet.” Ryan laughed back.
“Who says he’s the one that’s going to get fucked.” Josh said coyly.
“You’re a sick pig Joshua Histler!”
They both erupted in laughter. “But seriously, go find Austin before it’s too late. Do you really want to lose him again?” Josh offered.
“No, you’re right, and when did you become so wise in your young age?”
“I grew up the day I realized that I loved Justin. Now go get Austin before it’s too late. The next phone call I better get from you is that you have made up and are back together.”
Ryan thanked his cousin for the wise words and closed his cell phone. He knew that Austin was planning on leaving this morning for Florida and hoped that he could make it to the motel before it was too late. Quickly Ryan threw on some clothes, bolted out the door and ran to his truck. Dust flew out from the tires as he tore off down the driveway.
As he pulled up to the Pine Crest motel his heart dropped as he noticed that Austin’s cars was nowhere to be seen. He spotted Mrs. Miller walking out of the office and he walked over to meet her.
“Good Morning Ryan. How are you this morning?” She asked.
“I’m good Mrs. Miller. Have you seen Austin this morning?” Ryan questioned.
Seeing the look of sadness in Ryan’s eyes she placed a calming hand on his shoulder. “He went to get something to eat. He should be back shortly.” She smiled.
Relief rush over Ryan knowing that he wasn’t too late. “Thank you. I’m pendik escort going to wait for him over at the picnic tables.”
“Okay darlin’. I’ll bring you over something to drink while you wait.” She turned and walked into the office.
Ryan walked over and sat at one of the picnic tables under a giant magnolia tree. Mrs. Miller returned a few minutes later with a lager pitcher of sweet tea and two glasses. Ryan’s nerves were on high throttle as he waited for Austin to come back. After last night he didn’t know how Austin was going to react and he didn’t know what to say to him. Ryan knew he was wrong for the way he overacted; he had seen the look of fear in Austin’s eyes when he lost his temper. He regretted that more than anything. Never did he want to scare Austin, he knew that Austin was a damaged person and didn’t deserve to be scared like that.
Soon the familiar exhaust note from Austin’s car came down the road. Ryan’s heart skipped a beat as Austin pulled into the parking lot. Austin had not seen Ryan sitting at the picnic table and jumped when he heard Ryan call out to him.
“Hey Ryan, what are you doing here?” Austin asked quietly as he kept a decent distance between them.
“I wanted to apologize for the way I acted last night. Can we go sit down and talk?” Ryan asked as he pointed to the picnic table.
“Yeah, sure…just let me go to my room. I’ll be right over.” Austin replied as he walked into his room.
Ryan walked back to the picnic table and poured two glasses of the sweet tea while he waited for Austin to return. When Austin returned he sat across from Ryan and took the glass of sweet tea. He didn’t drink it but just watched the ice dance around in the glass. Austin was too intimidated by Ryan to look at him in the eyes.
For the first time Ryan really got a good look at Austin and his heart dropped out of his chest. It looked like someone had beaten the shit out of Austin. Ryan wanted to reach out and touch Austin’s blackened eye, kiss his pale lips, help him feel loved again. He knew that he could not do that right now and it broke his heart.
“Austin, I’m sorry for the way I acted last night. When you showed up at the house I had a flood of emotions coming at me all at once. I mean, at first I didn’t think it was really you. I honestly never thought I would see you again.”
“It’s okay. I shouldn’t have come back. I was stupid to think you weren’t mad at me for what I did to you and your family.” Austin said still not meet Ryan’s eyes.
“Oh god no Austin. I’m glad you did come back, I really am! It just was a shock to my system. That night when you left I wasn’t so much mad as I was heartbroken. I love you and it killed me to see you run away.”
Austin looked up when Ryan said I love you. He didn’t say loved but love. “You still love me?” Austin asked as tears began to fill his eyes.
“Of course I do. I never stopped. Even after all these months I never stopped loving or missing you.” Ryan said as he got up and sat next to Austin.
“I’m sorry Ryan for what I did to you. I just got so scared when you had that fight with your sister.”
“Austin, that wasn’t your fault and you can’t blame yourself for that. Clare is an evil person and she had that coming. Ever since she was a teenager she has always thought she was better than everyone else. That fight was bound to happen sooner or later. I’m sorry but no one is ever going to talk about or too my boyfriend like that and think I’m not going to do something about that.”
There it was again. Ryan said boyfriend not ex-boyfriend. Maybe there was a chance they could get back together but Austin wanted to tell Ryan about what happen back in New Jersey. If they were going to start back up their relationship Austin didn’t want to have any secrets.
“Are you saying that you want to get back together?” Austin questioned nervously.
“There is no doubt in my mind, yes I do.” Ryan smiled.
Austin took a deep breath. “Before you completely make up your mind I should tell you about what happen when I was in New Jersey.”
“Austin, you don’t have too. I can only imagine what that asshole put you through.”
“I know but if we are going to start fresh then I want you to know everything so you can make a good decision.”
“If you want to tell me then I will listen.”
Austin lit a cigarette and began telling Ryan about the events back in New Jersey. Ryan stayed quiet as Austin told him how Eric would violently beat him almost every night and how he would tie him to the chair every day before he would go off to work. But when Austin told him about how Eric had let Shawn come over and rape him repeatedly, Ryan snapped.
“That no good mother fucker! You have to be a sick person to let some other guy come over and let them rape someone! Austin, how many times did that happen?”
“A few times. I honestly can’t remember how many times.” Austin said as the shame and guilt crashed over him.
“If I ever see him I swear to you I will kill him, and that is a promise!” Ryan replied.
“I don’t think you have to worry about that.” Austin said as he took a drag from his cigarette.
“Why would you say that? Do you honestly trust his word after what he did to you? Because I don’t believe anything that comes from that fuckers mouth!” Ryan explained.
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