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The clock next to me lazily blinks 1:37 a.m. along with the bold green coloring of each number.
Black strands of hair lay limply on my forhead and ears as I stare, with brown eyes, at my laptop screen evaluating the “Who Am I” portion of my new dating profile:
Growing up I’ve always been pretty average; 180cm in height, average build, tanned skin, a face that could be confused with any Tom, Dick, or Harry- and hell I even graduated with a 3.3 gpa in highschool. (what’s more average than that?)
Being average is nothing to lose your mind about in my opinion and if anything it’s a blessing more than a curse. Life for me is simple enough for me which is what anyone would want. I don’t have to worry about getting caught up with multiple women (or men for that matter) nor do I have to worry about being an “Alpha Male” (a term i truly hate to even mention).
Of course, I’m not your COMPLETELY average dude- If I was I would simply be something akin to a robot; I’m bisexual, love writing, an excellent (not to brag) cook, and- and-
I have a small penis haha:
No.
I rapidly hit the back space on my keyboard and quickly close my laptop. That was supposed to be funny, but really it only made my stomach curl up in an awful way.
My hands come up to my face and I sigh a bit as I rub at my dry eyes. After a pause I grab my now closed laptop to put it on my bedside table for the night to charge. My back muscles ache from being hunched over my laptop for the better part of 45 minutes as I re-wrote my profile introduction. I’m lucky my hands haven’t cramped into nothingness truthfully.
This shouldn’t be so hard. It’s unfair- so goddamn unfair.
I lay back on my bed and, not for the first time this week, I feel like crying. I’m 22 for fucks-sake and my cock’s 3 inches HARD. Maybe it would be even a little easier to deal with my size if this thing was at least thick, but no dice.
What person is going to date someone with a small cock like mine- well that’s an easy answer; almost no one. I’m finally in a place emotionally where I can open up to people only to be constantly reminded of my- my problem.
I don’t like being like this, but then again who would?
Moreover, I want an active sex life in any relationships I’ll, hopefully, have in the future. I don’t want my relationships to be just like the ones I’ve had in the past.
I used to tell my exes that I was asexual whenever we would first start talking which was fine at the time… for the most part.
I could never slip up with that excuse and if I ever popped a boner, let’s say, while making out they could never feel it. Thats fact istanbul Escort Bayan alone is humiliating, but that was then and this is now. I want things to finally change for me because being an unwilling virgin at my age is down-right abhorrent.
My face heats up as my thoughts continue on. Even now when I admit this to myself for the hundredth time I feel disturbed.
Sometimes, thinking about my small cock gets me hard without much preamble. I don’t know why. I feel guilty and icky after each and every-time I finish myself off with these thoughts, but I can’t seem to stop.
Embarrassingly, I don’t think i want to stop though. Lately Its actually been one of the only ways I’ve been able to get off at all.
Even now as I force my eyes shut and slowly reach into my boxers in shame I don’t want to stop. The trail is hesitantly made. When my fingers finally graze at my shaft, if you could even call it that, I tightly push my legs together.
It’s so stiff right now that I feel like crying out for a different reason all together. After a couple of seconds I yank on my shame roughly in pure disdain.
I’ve been like this all week. I’ve never been THIS bad, but right now I can’t stop myself from flicking the tip of my prick through my boxers and jolting at the deserved pain.
I’m never gentle with my strokes either because there’s nothing to savor. I don’t need long strokes because there’s nothing long TO stroke. I have nothing like the guys in my saved porn videos do.
I use only my index finger and thumb to pump myself because of how small my cock is. Roughness is all I deserve anyways, so I squeeze myself tightly to continue the punishing beating.
I am nothing with a prick like this.
The thought alone almost makes me moan out loud which in turn makes me throb uncontrollably. Stroking myself like this makes me think of doing things that would make a whore blush. The tip even leaks out a little pre-cum at these musings and all I can do is stare at my cock in unflitered disgust.
My imagination usually runs wild with all types of scenarios of differing degrees of lewdity and tonight is no different.
Speeding up my belligerent stroking I think about how I want to be humiliated; to have other people witness my small cock being abused as I struggle against restraints. I want cameras pushed in my face as I beg for them to turn them off, but they don’t listen to me and just abuse me even harder than before. I don’t care where they abuse me just as long as it’s in public. I want them to all think I’m a gross little bitch that’s undeserving of respect. istanbul Escort I want to be used so fucking bad and my cock thobs even harder in agreement.
I’ve even thought about about being cucked while both of my hands are tied up, so that I couldn’t do anything other than watch my partner being wrecked by a true man. They would be filled to the brim with cum and I would be forced to clean it out of them with my tongue.
Jesus, being this hard is getting ever-so more painful.
I’m as useless as my little prick. I flick the tip again so hard that I flinch violently against my bed. My eyes can’t help but widen in pain and pleasure.
But it’s not enough. I need something more.
Without truly processing it my unoccupied hand comes up under my shirt and starts to roughly play with my chest. The aggressive twisting motions I’m doing is sure to leave me painfully sensitive when I wake up.
I can’t believe I’m playing with myself in such a womanly fashion. I’m basically milking myself in more than one way like a bitch in heat. My ass even lifts off of the bed a little as my back arches against my mattress.
The rooms starts to spin in such a way my head starts to bouce in different directions until something catches my eye.
I pause my abusive strokes as my eyes wander over to the window positioned in front of the outside world. The blinds are closed tight as of now because I haven’t gotten around to buying curtains yet.
Shaking my head a bit I try to force myself to turn away unsuccessfully as another depraved thought enters my mind yet again.
I’ve been tempted all week to go over there and jerk off as unsuspecting people walk down the street, unaware of the pathetic fuck with the small cock cuming on the window.
I’m on the 2nd floor of my apartment and I’m surrounded by buildings. Someone could see me seeing as my lamp is radiating throughout my room, but it’s also almost 2am, I see as I look over at my digital clock, and dark outside.
After some more internal debating I get up out of bed, one hand still in my boxers with the other now away from my chest, to walk over to the window. My boxers are only on for a second before I briskly drop them to the ground completely as to not lose my nerve. The cool air circulating around my room hits me ten-fold making my cock twitch in shock. Flicking my tip yet again only makes me groan internally.
Fuck.
I peek out the window, through the blinds, still pumping myself with my free hand with an intensity unrivaled by anyone or anything.
There are a few people out, 3 max, I can see down the street Escort istanbul right now. I wonder what they would think if they were to look slightly upwards and witness me furiously pumping my little prick.
The thought alone almost pushes me over the edge, but I hold myself back a bit. I just got over here after all.
I get closer to the window with my cock almost shaking against my hand in excitement and fear. Mostly fear.
I spot a woman leaning against a brick wall talking to what i think is a man. I raise my blinds completely to the top with my unoccupied hand and continue my jerking.
Once my other hand is free again I squeeze my balls to heighten the pain I deserve for doing something this fucked up.
After a second I remove both of my hands temporarily to take off my night shirt then I put them right back on my cock and balls after the shirt hits the ground.
Shit, what if they look over right now and see me? It wouldn’t be hard to see me at this point as my lamp light is decently bright and illuminating my figure well. They’d probably laugh at me or pull out their cameras to show the world how perverted I am.
My hand moves away from my balls, for the last time, to punish my chest once again. I switch between roughly twisting and jaggedly pulling at my aching nipples.
I’m panting like a bitch as I stare out my window to look at the girl directly in the eyes without her knowledge.
I can’t hold back the moans that slip through my mouth this time as I press my prick against the window even harder as I continuing to speed up my violent stroking with inhuman velocity
I’m such a dirty shit-bag. I know I am yet right now I couldn’t care less if I tried.
Everytime my cock hits the window I can hear a dull thumping and I feel a soreness only achieved from my constant abuse.
Oh God, I don’t deserve love! Nobody is going to love someone this fucked up.
I’m such a sick fucker- a freak.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m so damn close.
Without realizing it tears slip down my face as I start to reach my peak. Not once have I taken my eyes off of the people in front of me though.
I have to keep myself upright with my free hand pressed up against the window as I lean forward unsteadily.
Everything feels hot and my little prick won’t stop its jumping and twitching and- and- I can’t-
I painfully yank on myself as hard as I can then I let go of my cock which successfully ruins the orgasm I don’t deserve.
I only see white as I cum onto my window pitifully. Even my cumshots are small with only a thimble hitting the window as I sink to my knees into a pathetic heap. Cum drips down my window slowly and a sob pushes through my lips before I can stop it.
I need help.
I was so distracted by my own self loathing and reckless jerking that I failed to notice the phone facing my window until the very last second as I raised to close my blinds for the “night”.
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